I can count a million times People asking me how I Can praise You with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me. Can circumstances possibly Change who I forever am in You? Maybe since my life was changed Long before these rainy days It's never really ever crossed my mind. To turn my back on you, oh Lord My only shelter from the storm. But instead I draw closer through these times. So I pray Bring me joy, Bring me peace, Bring the chance to be free Bring me anything that brings You glory. And I know there'll be days When this life brings me pain But if that's what it takes to praise You Jesus, bring the rain. I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain you who made a way for me suffering your destiny so tell me whats a little rain. (Mercy Me "Bring the Rain)
Yesterday while at work I received a call from my frantic Dr. some of my blood work scores had been called in from the hospital lab and they had more than doubled in two days. As I have already shared with you the norm for the gall bladder is 0-40 and to come to find out that is the same score for a liver as well. On Monday my liver was at 300 + and my gall bladder was at 426. Wednesday's scores were 786 for my liver and 892 for my gall bladder.
The Dr could not believe that I wasn't in more pain and really could not believe that I was at work. My doctor does not know who the real healer is does he? I will be going to the surgeon this afternoon at 4pm. They had an appointment for me yesterday but by the time I received the message it was too late for me to go. They should also have all of my test results this morning which I am excited to hear.
Last night we rented Daddy Day Camp and we just cuddled up on the sofa and had some family time. I really enjoy spending time with our little ones especially cuddled up on our sofa. They are all so hugable and lovable.
Last night my back was hurting more and my chest was a little tight almost like a slight contraction. After the movie we all went to bed and I was able to sleep soundly. This morning I woke up to the comforting sound of rain. I love the smell and sound of a steady rain. So, I just layed there, closed my eyes and sang to myself Jesus bring the rain.
I am having more back pain and my chest is a lot tighter but as long as I stay relaxed it is bearable. I am looking forward to this weekend of family fun. One of my co-workers has blessed us tremendously by gaining tickets for our whole family to go and see the Barnum and Bailey circus tomorrow evening. This is a surprise for our little sweeties and I just know that they will be exstatic!
Friday, February 1, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
His Mercy and Grace
Yesterday I went to the doctor for my check up and blood work. The doctor was really able to break my blood scores down for me. I thought when the DR at the ER said my scores were high that they would be ok maybe 50 points higher than the norm. Well, a normal to high gallbladder score should be 0-40 mine is 426 I guess that sums up what high really means to the ER.
They ran a series of blood panels on me and are testing for everything on my liver. Their hope right now is that the scores on my liver are high due to my gallbladder. The hope for that is after the gallbladder is removed my liver may be able to heal itself. They are also referring me to a surgeon who will be able to do my surgery promptly.
When they had me go to the lab for my blood work there was an eldery lady who was walking with a walker sitting right beside of me waiting for her blood work. I pondered the idea what will I be like by the time I am her age will I live that long? and if I live that long how many parts will I have lost by then. I feel like Mrs. Potato head (you know that all Mr and Mrs Potato Heads loose their parts pretty quickly) I have lost my tonsils, all female organs, now my gallbladder all in 3 years. Hey at least I have all of the other parts YEAH!
You see as a young child I was very sick for a long time. I had a severe case of scarlet fever and the doctors warned my parents that I may have issues when I was older due to that. My immune system ever since has been very weak but I have done well. I was talking to my brother the other day on the phone and I finally gave in and said "You know I was sick all the time as a child I can not believe that I am going through this again as an adult". I was all into the pitty me deal and honestly angry after all I have been through why me Lord?
Well, I decided after that I was going to quit complaining and look to the Lord for my strength as I stated in my last blog. Tuesday one of my co-workers shared a great verse with me that really helped me to focus on my relationship with the Lord. Yesterday as I was saying I was sitting in the lab waiting for my lab work and the nurse was looking over my file. The little elderly lady started joking around with me and then it was time for her to leave. The nurse put my file down and came over to me she explained that she hadn't seen many files like mine with so many health issues at such a young age and she explained that the Lord had a purpose for what I was going through. I let her know that the verse I was standing on was "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops".
Then she about blew me away with what came next... She said "dear the Lord has had his hand on you since birth and he is using you as his testimony to all around you". You have the strength of his army behind you and inside of you. I forgot that she was drawing several vials of blood all I could think of was how selfish and unthankful I had been.
You know to everything over the past several years now I have been able to use my struggles as a testimony. With my issues with fertility and being told that I may not ever have children and I have 3 beautiful babies. My baby girl my hearts desire since being a child I almost lost her to a nickel lodged in her throat 4 years ago and the Lord saved her little life, 3 years ago I almost lost my marriage and our marriage has been healed and we are now able to currently minister to our neighbor who is going through a seperation, 2 1/2 years ago possible cancer in my tonsils and when they took them out and tested them they were just abnormally large but no cancer present, 1 year ago my scare of cancer and my hysterectomy the Lord showed me how it was caught just one stage away from full blown cancer. Now this year my gallbladder and liver I know that this too will be a testimony to someone some how but it may just be a testimony to myself.
I know that my weakness is that I am a control freak and a very strong willed woman. But, I am finally ready to be the clay and let the Lord be the potter. I am ready for him to mold me and make me into his piece of work because by my own will I am falling apart. With out the Lord I am nothing but a lost sinner trying to make it in this world so full of sin. When you live in this world as part of this world it will tear you apart little by little and no matter what you do by your own will you will eventually drown.
But I have learned that if I take a hold of his garment he will drag me up out of this lake I am drowning in and he will put me back up on his potters wheel and he will make me beautiful in his image as I was menat to be.
His mercy and grace is new to me this morning!
They ran a series of blood panels on me and are testing for everything on my liver. Their hope right now is that the scores on my liver are high due to my gallbladder. The hope for that is after the gallbladder is removed my liver may be able to heal itself. They are also referring me to a surgeon who will be able to do my surgery promptly.
When they had me go to the lab for my blood work there was an eldery lady who was walking with a walker sitting right beside of me waiting for her blood work. I pondered the idea what will I be like by the time I am her age will I live that long? and if I live that long how many parts will I have lost by then. I feel like Mrs. Potato head (you know that all Mr and Mrs Potato Heads loose their parts pretty quickly) I have lost my tonsils, all female organs, now my gallbladder all in 3 years. Hey at least I have all of the other parts YEAH!
You see as a young child I was very sick for a long time. I had a severe case of scarlet fever and the doctors warned my parents that I may have issues when I was older due to that. My immune system ever since has been very weak but I have done well. I was talking to my brother the other day on the phone and I finally gave in and said "You know I was sick all the time as a child I can not believe that I am going through this again as an adult". I was all into the pitty me deal and honestly angry after all I have been through why me Lord?
Well, I decided after that I was going to quit complaining and look to the Lord for my strength as I stated in my last blog. Tuesday one of my co-workers shared a great verse with me that really helped me to focus on my relationship with the Lord. Yesterday as I was saying I was sitting in the lab waiting for my lab work and the nurse was looking over my file. The little elderly lady started joking around with me and then it was time for her to leave. The nurse put my file down and came over to me she explained that she hadn't seen many files like mine with so many health issues at such a young age and she explained that the Lord had a purpose for what I was going through. I let her know that the verse I was standing on was "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops".
Then she about blew me away with what came next... She said "dear the Lord has had his hand on you since birth and he is using you as his testimony to all around you". You have the strength of his army behind you and inside of you. I forgot that she was drawing several vials of blood all I could think of was how selfish and unthankful I had been.
You know to everything over the past several years now I have been able to use my struggles as a testimony. With my issues with fertility and being told that I may not ever have children and I have 3 beautiful babies. My baby girl my hearts desire since being a child I almost lost her to a nickel lodged in her throat 4 years ago and the Lord saved her little life, 3 years ago I almost lost my marriage and our marriage has been healed and we are now able to currently minister to our neighbor who is going through a seperation, 2 1/2 years ago possible cancer in my tonsils and when they took them out and tested them they were just abnormally large but no cancer present, 1 year ago my scare of cancer and my hysterectomy the Lord showed me how it was caught just one stage away from full blown cancer. Now this year my gallbladder and liver I know that this too will be a testimony to someone some how but it may just be a testimony to myself.
I know that my weakness is that I am a control freak and a very strong willed woman. But, I am finally ready to be the clay and let the Lord be the potter. I am ready for him to mold me and make me into his piece of work because by my own will I am falling apart. With out the Lord I am nothing but a lost sinner trying to make it in this world so full of sin. When you live in this world as part of this world it will tear you apart little by little and no matter what you do by your own will you will eventually drown.
But I have learned that if I take a hold of his garment he will drag me up out of this lake I am drowning in and he will put me back up on his potters wheel and he will make me beautiful in his image as I was menat to be.
His mercy and grace is new to me this morning!
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
We are expecting!
I am expecting a lot of health issues =(
I went into work yesterday as usual and carried on my daily routine. Then all of a sudden around 3pm I had severe chest pains. I had to call my manager over to my desk and then I blacked out and all I remember next is the paramedic saying we can't read her pulse. I was breathing very light quick breaths that were very hard to take in. I remember them asking me some questions and I tried to answer them. I was very cold, gray in color and praying under my breath. I could not move all I could do was lay there on my work floor beside my desk.
At this time I was really struggeling within myself I remember praying the sinners prayer and for God to take care of my family and loved ones. I remember thinking to myself "Do I really want to fight to breath anymore" "Of course I do" but the pain was so unbearable.
They were finally able to get a pulse on me and rolled me out to the ambulance. There they had issues with trying to get an IV started on me because of my tiny veins. After the second try they got the IV in and we were on our way. They took me to CMC uptown since it is closest to my work. There they ran a series of EKG's, Cat scan, blood work etc. Then just after Brian had to leave to get our little ones from school the Dr came in to let me know that my heart looked great but he really thought that I had a blood clot in my lungs. WHAT LORD??? Why me you see this time exactly a year ago I was battling possible ovarian cancer and the fear of that.
Now I was of course thinking the worst and I just kept praying "Lord calm my weak spirit please Lord give me strength you knew me before I was born Lord you know my beginning and my end. Lord I don't want this to be my end please just ease my uneasy mind". I was so scared at this moment that I was shaking with cold chills all over my body.
Then the Dr came back and explained that he wanted to draw more blood work and send me for x-rays of my lungs. So, they drew several vials of blood and off we went to x-ray. That was not a fun experience either since I was still having pain in my chest but also my lower back and shoulders. After the x-rays I was brought back to my room to lay down and wait for the results.
I was pleased to hear that they did not find a blood clot but my blood work did come back with a lot of specualtion. So, this time we were off to ultra sound. This was a pretty lengthy ultrasound of all of my organs from different positions. The technician was very pleasant and talkative which made my time there much calmer.
Then I was back in my room to wait once more. Now Brian was still not back yet as we live a little distance from the hospital and he was trying to get help to watch the children so he could come back to be with me. I really enjoyed the feeling of needing my husband his strength his love. The song "he will give and he will take with my heart I choose to say blessed be the name of the Lord" just kept flowing through my mind. My spirit started to calm down and I closed my eyes and just thought of all of my blessings that the Lord has given me. I have a loving husband, three great children, family and friends, a new home I am blessed beyond measure.
Then Brian walked in the door what a sense of relief he always sees the positive when it comes to my health. We waited for the Dr. soon after the doctor came in and announced to us that I did not have a blood clot in my lungs YEAH! but, I do have a Gallbladder packed full of gallstones and I need to have surgery to have my Gallbladder removed as soon as possible. Also, my blood work for my liver showed abnormalities and it will require further testing. Now until the surgery takes place there is a chance that I will go through this pain again and I may need to have an emergency surgery done if my Gallbladder ruptures.
Tomorrow I have a Dr. appointment with our regular office for more blood work and to receive a referral to a surgeon. I would like to see if there is a natural route to take for these gallstones to go away I will be asking tomorrow. Today I am feeling better although right now I am having a lot of pain in my back and moderate pain that comes and goes in my upper abdomin. I will be on a no fat, low preferably no acid diet to help with the pain caused my these gallstones.
Please keep me in your prayers as I will be needing a lot of strength to make it through this trial. One of my co-workers sent me an email this morning "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops. How true this is I have been saying all day that there is pain in the offering. God has used my marriage and my health to show me his loving mercies do shine through it all andin the end I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord.
I went into work yesterday as usual and carried on my daily routine. Then all of a sudden around 3pm I had severe chest pains. I had to call my manager over to my desk and then I blacked out and all I remember next is the paramedic saying we can't read her pulse. I was breathing very light quick breaths that were very hard to take in. I remember them asking me some questions and I tried to answer them. I was very cold, gray in color and praying under my breath. I could not move all I could do was lay there on my work floor beside my desk.
At this time I was really struggeling within myself I remember praying the sinners prayer and for God to take care of my family and loved ones. I remember thinking to myself "Do I really want to fight to breath anymore" "Of course I do" but the pain was so unbearable.
They were finally able to get a pulse on me and rolled me out to the ambulance. There they had issues with trying to get an IV started on me because of my tiny veins. After the second try they got the IV in and we were on our way. They took me to CMC uptown since it is closest to my work. There they ran a series of EKG's, Cat scan, blood work etc. Then just after Brian had to leave to get our little ones from school the Dr came in to let me know that my heart looked great but he really thought that I had a blood clot in my lungs. WHAT LORD??? Why me you see this time exactly a year ago I was battling possible ovarian cancer and the fear of that.
Now I was of course thinking the worst and I just kept praying "Lord calm my weak spirit please Lord give me strength you knew me before I was born Lord you know my beginning and my end. Lord I don't want this to be my end please just ease my uneasy mind". I was so scared at this moment that I was shaking with cold chills all over my body.
Then the Dr came back and explained that he wanted to draw more blood work and send me for x-rays of my lungs. So, they drew several vials of blood and off we went to x-ray. That was not a fun experience either since I was still having pain in my chest but also my lower back and shoulders. After the x-rays I was brought back to my room to lay down and wait for the results.
I was pleased to hear that they did not find a blood clot but my blood work did come back with a lot of specualtion. So, this time we were off to ultra sound. This was a pretty lengthy ultrasound of all of my organs from different positions. The technician was very pleasant and talkative which made my time there much calmer.
Then I was back in my room to wait once more. Now Brian was still not back yet as we live a little distance from the hospital and he was trying to get help to watch the children so he could come back to be with me. I really enjoyed the feeling of needing my husband his strength his love. The song "he will give and he will take with my heart I choose to say blessed be the name of the Lord" just kept flowing through my mind. My spirit started to calm down and I closed my eyes and just thought of all of my blessings that the Lord has given me. I have a loving husband, three great children, family and friends, a new home I am blessed beyond measure.
Then Brian walked in the door what a sense of relief he always sees the positive when it comes to my health. We waited for the Dr. soon after the doctor came in and announced to us that I did not have a blood clot in my lungs YEAH! but, I do have a Gallbladder packed full of gallstones and I need to have surgery to have my Gallbladder removed as soon as possible. Also, my blood work for my liver showed abnormalities and it will require further testing. Now until the surgery takes place there is a chance that I will go through this pain again and I may need to have an emergency surgery done if my Gallbladder ruptures.
Tomorrow I have a Dr. appointment with our regular office for more blood work and to receive a referral to a surgeon. I would like to see if there is a natural route to take for these gallstones to go away I will be asking tomorrow. Today I am feeling better although right now I am having a lot of pain in my back and moderate pain that comes and goes in my upper abdomin. I will be on a no fat, low preferably no acid diet to help with the pain caused my these gallstones.
Please keep me in your prayers as I will be needing a lot of strength to make it through this trial. One of my co-workers sent me an email this morning "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops. How true this is I have been saying all day that there is pain in the offering. God has used my marriage and my health to show me his loving mercies do shine through it all andin the end I will say Blessed be the name of the Lord.
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